There is degradation associated with any type of domestic violence. It is often said that the scars of emotional abuse are invisible. I strongly disagree. For those who are close enough to the person being abused to know who they are, the signs are impossible to miss.
Emotional Abuse: the debasement of a person's feelings that causes the individual to perceive
himself or herself as inept, not cared for, or worthless.
Soul: a person's moral or emotional nature or sense of identity.
Essence: the core nature or most important qualities of a person or thing.
Emotional abuse is the meticulous battering of a person's spirit. In most cases, the fact that the abused person already had a weakened spirit makes her a prime target for her abuser.
An emotional abuser can easily be a woman as well as a man. Honestly, because women tend to know more about the men in their lives than men know their women, a woman has the ability to do a considerable amount of damage to a man's spirit.
I am however, speaking from a woman's perspective.
Experts have determined that men who abuse are generally lacking in confidence. They probably have little control in the outside world. Their private world is their kingdom,,,,and of course they are the king. The question then becomes whether his wife is the queen or just his only royal subject?
I have reluctantly come to believe that it is highly possible that some abusers would be totally shocked and confused if they were viewed and labeled as abusers. Could he possibly be a seemingly confident man who fell into the abyss of arrogance? Or perhaps he is a man who is the product of his family and environment?
Or he could simply be a man who honestly believes that he is superior to most people; certainly his wife. He would never be comfortable with a woman who is his intellectual equal.
His kingdom,,,his rules,,,his life.
Most women are attracted to a man who has the ability to be a leader. Is he capable of listening to the views of his wife or woman, or does he minimize the validity of her voice?
Most women are impressed by a man's concern for her well being when she is away from him. Does he insist on knowing where you are every moment of the day? And who you are with?
* If a woman makes the mistake of sharing too much personal information regarding her friends, an emotionally abusive man will judge the friends behavior according to his morals and proceed to bring the friendship to an end. After all,,,only he knows best.
* If a man has trust issues with his mother,,,,it is unlikely he will ever completely trust any woman.
Some women enjoy their husbands interest in their hair, makeup, and clothes. It is probably very nice if the husband is a confident, loving, mentally healthy man. On the other hand, if he tends to insist on dressing his wife from head to toe,,,all the time,,,there are serious control issues.
If a husband decides when his wife should eat and how much she should eat,,,,he has control issues.
*If a man consistently makes statements that hurt your heart and make you cry, how can that person genuinely love you?.
*If he withholds affection when he is upset with you, he is punishing you. A very basic mind game.
Someone might be asking just how these examples count as abuse.
When a person is convicted of a crime, they lose the credibility of their personal voice, and they lose basic freedoms that most of us take for granted.
When someone else chooses your friends, your clothes, when to visit your family, when to exercise and how much you are allowed to eat and when you should go to bed,,,,,that person is basically controlling your life.
The abuser will have no respect for the person he abuses. As time passes, his tone of voice will be filled with impatience and his attitude will be disrespectful.
He will become bored by the weakened spirit that he has so carefully designed..
The Power of Words
The tongue is a force to be respected, and often feared. This relatively small body part allows us to express ourselves with love and compassion. Others seem to derive a great deal of satisfaction by using it to deliver words of humiliation and pain.
When a woman's spirit is broken, she has no sense of worth. She is at risk to lose her essence and the connection to her very soul. She will do her best to focus on what might be positive in her life. She is not familiar enough with happiness to know whether she is or not
.
There will be no ready smile.
There will be no sparkle in her eyes.
She will be thankful for her life, but it will not be viewed with excited anticipation.
She will appear to be sad because,, she is sad.
She will seem tired, because,, she is tired.
If you are a friend, do not judge her. You simply do not have that right.
Listen to her and be there for her. It will be her decision when that will be.
Help her to learn how to love herself. Only then will she recognize her worth.
Pray with her and for her.
Help her to understand that God is the source of her strength.
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