Do 'Mean Girls' Grow Up To Become 'Mean Women'?/ A Woman's Perspective

Imagine how surprised middle school girls or 'tweeners' as they are now called, would be if they realized there are many grown women who act just like them. Of course, chances are, they personally know one or two. Their behavior, whether displayed by a child trapped in the chaos of puberty or an adult who has chosen to simply fine tune her bad attitude forever, is difficult to miss.

I love everything associated with being a woman. I am also often taken aback by how mean spirited women can be toward other women. Sure, there are often genuine reasons why women are bitter and destructive toward each other. Low self-esteem first comes to mind. Unresolved pain and disappointment could also be factors. While these may be valid reasons, there is never a good enough excuse to cause the grief of another person, simply because you can. I view this behavior as feeding on the assumed weaknesses of another human being. Even worse, this person is usually someone who considers the aggressive woman her friend.

The similarities between the mindset of a 'mean girl' and that of a 'mean woman' would be almost amusing if their behavior did not create such havoc in the lives of those in their chosen circle of 'friends'.
Mean girls usually travel in groups or packs. There is always a leader who usually chooses a group of females who she feels will look up to her. There will likely be a pecking order that is of course chosen by the leader. The members of the group will be expected to be unquestionably loyal to their leader.

So, who is the 'mean girl'?
She will have something that she feels will set her apart from the group. For girls, it could her popularity, her perceived beauty, her clothes, the professions of her parents, and maybe her grades.
This young lady will often surround herself with other young ladies who she feels could never be viewed as beautiful as she is. She will program everything from their choice of clothing and hairstyle to the boys they are attracted to. If anyone happens to make a decision that will outshine her, she will know just what to say to make the person doubt her choice. Being a 'mean girl' guarantees that whatever she says will not be tinged with compassion.  She will remain the center of attention,,,by any means necessary.
Her world revolves around,,,her.

 Female athletes tend to have their own groups and seldom seem to fall into the 'mean girl' syndrome.

Friendship between women can be as important as their relationships with family members. Many women are closer to their friends than they are to family. This could possibly be one reason why a woman will allow a 'friend' to stay in their life, even when the person's behavior is toxic.

Who is the 'mean woman'?

She will seldom have enough true friends to actually form a group. The more friends she has, the more likely it is that one of these 'grown' women would put her in her place. She will likely have a 'following' of women she has groomed to look up to her.
She will have one 'friend' who cares enough about her to allow her to cross decency boundaries from time to time. This true friend knows her well enough to have compassion for her unspoken issues. It might take years, but since most people have a limit on how much abuse they will take, the depth of the friendship will likely change. The real friend will either end the relationship or pull far, far, away. As well she should.
The 'mean woman' mindset can be both jealous and envious.They always seem to want more of anything that surpasses someone else. It can be career, clothes, furniture, size and location of house, type of car she drives, to the choice of a husband. Like her young counterpart, if her friend(s) make a choice that will result in outshining her, she will also quickly tear it down; usually with harsh criticism or even a childish, but hurtful tantrum.. Yes, grown women really do have tantrums.

Her main focus in life is,,,herself.
She makes herself miserable, and does a pretty good job of disrupting the peace of those who love her.  She is a seasoned manipulator who uses words to control those who give her the slightest opportunity.
She has a selective verbal filter. She is usually successful in her life, but often fails to acknowledge her many blessings. She is usually too busy keeping up with the blessings of others.
She will expect her friends to accommodate her in every way. Since she keeps a detailed record of what she does for everyone, she will be quick to remind her friend why she expects her to be at her beck and call.

So, are 'mean girls and 'mean women' bad people?

No, but they make choices that are often totally selfish. They fail to think about how their words and actions will affect those in their world. Thankfully, the few women I know who haven't grown up, seem to have good hearts.  However, they treat strangers much better than they treat the women who have always been their support system. This is what saddens me the most.

We are women.
We carry babies inside of us for almost an entire year.
We build a nurturing foundation strong enough to support a family during both good and bad times.
We have the ability to be logical and stay connected to our emotions through those same times,,,simultaneously.

For most young girls, being a 'mean girl' is simply a short phase in their life when their hormones were running amok . Usually before adulthood they have learned a better way of coping with the challenges and rewards of healthy relationships.
They have learned that the world simply does not revolve around them. Period.

Most women who become 'mean women' probably have issues and baggage that has yet to be acknowledged and addressed.
If only they would realize how much more meaningful their lives would be without the bitterness that most are not even aware they have.

What does her friends do?

Love them; even if that has to be from a distance.
Pray for them..pray for peace where there is none.

We need to always be present for each other.
God has given us the tools to make this become our reality.
This is what we do..
After all is said and done..
We are women.