Your Church and Domestic Abuse/A Woman's Perspective

 Today countless women have spent at least a few moments deciding what they will wear to church tomorrow.  Many will have also chosen an outfit for their spouse. A sizable number of these women will attend church services with a spouse that regularly abuses them.
It is safe to say that no matter what the name of the religion or denomination happens to be, the majority of the congregations will be made up of women. A disturbing number of these women will be victims of domestic abuse. This number will include both single and married women.

A person's spiritual journey is the most important journey of their life. The system of belief they choose will help them to navigate the ups and downs of life. It could be the same as their parents, or their choice as an adult.
I am a Christian, so I will speak from this perspective. God is my source of love, faith and hope. His grace and mercy are essential blessings in my life. He lives in me and I do my best to live according to His will.

Sunday morning will find many people sitting in the sanctuary of their church. The word 'sanctuary' simply means: 'a safe haven'. People attend church to meet with people who share their beliefs and at least some of their mindsets. The members are seeking anything from guidance, comfort, love, acceptance, and forgiveness to an extra bounce of strength to help them face the upcoming week.
Granted, all that they seek can be obtained directly from God. But, the physical church is a place where we expect to go and sit, listen, learn and actually interact with people God has chosen to help us to,,,get it right. It is wrong to expect these leaders to be perfect, but it is fair to expect them to seek God's guidance regarding the needs of the people who have placed their trust in,,,their faith.

When there is a topic that a Pastor wants or needs to address, he will prepare a sermon that he prays will be received by his congregation. Maybe not by all, but hopefully, by the ones who might be most in need.
It seems that church leaders are often reluctant to address issues that may be offensive to some members. Or if not offensive, perhaps uncomfortable.
How could a church leader look at the news even once a week and not realize that domestic abuse is an issue that should be discussed?. Even if the Pastor has not been told of any incidents of abuse within his church, he should seriously consider the shame and fear that would prevent a woman from coming forward and seeking his help. The question then becomes, will he know how to help her??
It will not be easy for a woman to admit to her Pastor that she is being abused. He must understand that it is difficult to share her shame with anyone.
If a woman is not ready to send her husband to jail, but is desperately seeking help from a person she respects and trusts not to judge her,,,her Pastor,,,,the Pastor should be prepared to help her.

How can your church help fight domestic abuse?

Church leaders must first ACCEPT the often deadly REALITY of domestic abuse.

*Bring the issue to the pulpit!
* Do not assess blame on the victim; you do not have that right.
*Do not attempt to find and show the victim a viable biblical excuse for a husband abusing his wife; it simply is not there.  The victim will never again seek your help,,regarding anything.
*Take the time to become educated on ALL aspects of domestic abuse.
*Leaders should collectively find ways the church can help the families.
*Offer workshops several times a year. Not just included in the annual Women's Conference or during the month of October.
*Schedule Men's Conference's focusing only on domestic abuse.
*Teach the male members of your church how to recognize dangerous behavior regarding themselves and possibly those within their inner circle. Perhaps they can help someone along the way.
* Encourage your church leaders to make your church a beacon of understanding for victims and their families.
*Seek God's guidance in learning how to help the abuser without further endangering the victim..
*Form a prayer and counseling group within your church to assist the victims of the community you serve. The scope of your church should reach beyond the doors of your building. 
* Think of this issue as missionary work, including the provision of resources and education. One more example of showing God's love..
*Understand the importance of trust and privacy. This is especially true when choosing others to work with the victims. If kind, sweet Sister Whitman is a gossip; she should not be in a position to know the intimate details of a victim's life.

*Remember that only God has the right to judge. If you have a difficult time understanding why women stay in abusive situations and are tempted to blame them for their circumstances, talk to a professional who will help you to understand..

**Knowledge is power.
*Understanding provides the wisdom to use the power wisely.


Above all else, present your genuine desire to help directly to God,,,He will provide you with the guidance, knowledge, and strength to make a meaningful difference.