It is safe to say that any man interested in dating me would have to be a very special man.
In less than a week, I will be 62 years old, I am a plus size woman, I have lovely, tiny locs that fall gently past my waist. I am an intelligent, beautiful and compassionate woman. I have recently discovered that I have a somewhat quirky sense of humor that a surprising number of people appreciate. Who knew??
I am an excellent cook, who also has excellent taste. I love decorating my personal space with items that touch my spirit. I have my own style that fits me perfectly, and I wear my clothes very well:,for me..
I am a Master Storyteller, in any genre. I am also a great actress ( my work), and group facilitator.
I accept people for who and what they are.
I have no interest in attempting to change a person into who I would like them to be. Nor, will I be a 'potential' project for anyone.
I trust my moral compass and my instinct.
And...
I have Lupus...
Now, I will break this down into 'real speak'.
I am an ''elderly' woman, who is overweight, has 'dreadlocks', tends to be dramatic, and does not believe in casual sex.
And...
I have a medical condition that sounds yucky and has to be carefully explained.
Over and over...and over..
If that sounds sad and pitiful, please believe that is not the case.
It just happens to be my reality that I have chosen to accept with a positive attitude, and a smile.
Life is too precious and short to do otherwise.
So, how does this fit in the world of dating??
You just might be surprised.
My age has never been a factor except for men in my age group.
Since I entered the dating scene, younger men have always actively pursued me. In the beginning, I thought they were playing a jaded 'game' with this still somewhat naïve albeit mature lady.
However, the best dating experience I have ever had was with a man that was almost 14 years younger than me. He was quite comfortable with a deeper relationship, but I knew that I would never be able to handle the inevitable insecurities I would have. He is a very dear friend.
I later met another younger man who touched my heart. He introduced me to poetry on a completely different level. I had to keep our friendship in the category of friendship. He is also a dear friend.
Both of these men have gone on with their lives and loves; with my genuine blessings. They deserve the very best that life has to offer. They helped me learn the importance of accepting myself.
Okay, I was quite surprised by the number of men who really are attracted to plus size women. Some would rather stay hidden from society, but they are by far the minority. They stroll dating websites and hope they meet a woman willing to be a passing 'fancy' for their fantasy. They would probably be surprised to know that many women are just as adept at playing that mind game as they are.
I have always believed that there is beauty in everyone. Oddly, I could never see that beauty in myself. I have crossed paths with enough intelligent and genuinely nice men to finally appreciate my own beauty. This is something I pray for all women to experience. The act of falling in love with myself was a gift from God.
I have an active creative spirit. I love this simple fact about myself. I have been blessed to have interaction with men who share this gift and sincerely appreciate mine. It warms my spirit and heart to share dialogue with someone who 'gets me'. To have a man be patient enough to answer my often endless questions and listen to my story ideas is priceless.
They have been few and far between, but it is nice to know that they do exist.
I am not my hair, but my hair is certainly a part of who I am. Period. Some like it, some seem confused. Older men seem offended. I really don't care, so I can smile and move on..
To tell or not to tell??
Initially, I felt the need to immediately tell anyone I was dating about the lupus. I was fully aware that this was my way of dealing with his possible rejection. Get it over with before my feelings became an issue.
My second best dating experience was with the only man I have ever dated that was older than I was. He was the first man I had ever known who could make me laugh out loud. When I told him about the lupus, he looked at me with a straight face and asked " Can I catch it?" I was little taken aback, until I looked deeper into his eyes and saw the smile. When I answered 'no', he said "Well, okay then. Now, tell me how you are!!". I could have easily fallen in love with him, but that was not to be.
He can still make me laugh.
Honestly, the facts are clear. I happen to come with a lot of baggage.
Men are only interested in their own baggage.
Am I worth the effort it would take to get to know me?
Without a doubt.
But...
Most men are not interested in becoming involved with a woman who has a medical condition that is not going away. I rarely even make a very short list of possible options.
This, combined with my other uh, examples of uniqueness, (smiling) does not help my dating issues, but I can understand why they feel the way they do.
Seriously, I really do understand.
I cannot relate to those feelings because being a woman, I would not automatically dismiss a man because of a medical condition. If we had the opportunity to fall in love, I would just simply love him.
Men are not willing to take that chance, or make that opportunity.
It is their choice
It is also often their great loss.
There are also men who feel that any woman who has as much baggage as I have, should be blindly grateful that they even want to spend time with me. I mean after all,," My health will be gone in ten years, and do I want to stay with my daughter forever!"
Yes, someone did say those words to me, and yes, there are many asses in this world.
Lesson learned.
So, have I given up on my true love finding me??
Actually, no, I have not.
Why??
My Faith. Plain and not at all simple.
My heart yearns for romantic love; but it no longer aches.
My spirit would love to soar with someone who has that special connection that would touch my very soul; but I have learned that the flight can be just as awesome flying alone.
I don't miss what I never had; but I have the amazing ability to dream.
I am surrounded by unconditional love everyday of my life.
Priceless..
God is Love; He lives in me.
Where there is Love, there will always be Hope.
.
