The most important and fulfilling accomplishment of my life has been the opportunity to raise my children. At times, it was also the most frustrating. The frustration was the result of the fear that I would make mistakes that would negatively impact their lives forever. The simple truth is that being human guarantees that all parents will make mistakes. Even if babies were born with a detailed instruction manual attached to the umbilical cord, we would no doubt still make mistakes. Most of us, even knowing that we are seriously imperfect, would attempt to put our own spin on the process.
I was a sensitive child who took the words spoken to me literally. Honestly, the same is often true today. My family and friends don't waste their time telling me a joke.
As a child I promised my unborn children that I would never raise my voice or be guilty of 'fussing'. I promised to always speak gently and listen to whatever they had to say. Well, of course, I lied. Or, at the very least, I broke my promises.
The active raising of a child (children) is probably one of the most stress filled periods in our lives. A true blessing, but the overwhelming responsibility of the total care of your child is a 24/7 job. Their well being, combined with the challenges of ,,,living,,,can make a mother (parent?) want to grab their keys and purse and simply drive away. Thankfully, the majority of us only think about doing it.
Most parents have the ability to stay in control when faced with the real challenges of parenting. Generally, a major growth spurt in patience saves our sanity. Hopefully, any physical discipline will be within healthy, safe,,and sane guidelines.
The often overlooked example of loss of control is the onslaught of words that can break a child's spirit. A child is affected by everything they are exposed to during their childhood; both the positive and adverse experiences. How many of you can remember more of the mean words spoken to you( by anyone) than the nice words?
Every parent understands how difficult it can be to sometimes 'get' the attention of a child. After telling them five times in the last hour to clean their room, yelling and telling them how' lazy and sorry' they are might seem the right thing to say. The real problem comes if they hear these words or worse everyday. The best way to handle something that will become part of their household responsibilities, is to teach the importance of cleaning their room when they are young enough to be excited about doing it. If that didn't work, at least they understand they have no choice in the matter.
If a child hears something, anything,, often enough, they will believe it to be true. Repetition is a basic teaching tool.
A child is supposed to get their confidence and self-esteem from the people who loves and accepts them as they are. This is just as important in your child's life as their mandated education. If they are ridiculed by their parents, how will they understand even their basic worth??
There are parents who refer to their children as anything from dumb, simple, stupid, ignorant, to nasty, crazy and ugly. From the viewpoint of a child, why would they not believe their parents?
There are also the parents who add 'flavor' to their harsh words by adding a few choice expletives to the mix.
Have you ever seen a parent speak to a child in such a way that causes the child to 'shrink' before your eyes; spirit broken? Slumped shoulders, eyes damp and cast down? Or worse, a blank stare?
Several years ago while interviewing a client, a little boy around three years old, asked his mother why there were no pictures of him in his mother's wallet; only pictures of his baby sister. His mother told him she did not have pictures of him because he was ' bad and ugly' which was why she was taking him to his grandparents house as soon as they left the office..The child's face crumbled. He immediately stood behind her chair and started kicking the legs. If nothing changes in his life, imagine how destructive his behavior could become? I referred her to an agency that would provide parenting skills. If that happened today, it would be viewed as possible abuse and reported to a supervisor who would decide if CPS should be informed,,by law. Even a stranger in a waiting room can report possible abuse if they have enough information about the parent.
Even good parents sometimes say things to their children they wish they could take back. But there is no changing the fact that,,,once the words are spoken, they are forever said.
Children are priceless blessings from God.
Every child deserves to go to bed knowing they are loved.
Their heads should never be filled with words that hurt their hearts.
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