Do you know what the term 'outside child' means? For me, that phrase along with 'illegitimate child' and 'bastard' all share the same meaning. They are all intended to negatively set children apart from mainstream society.
I saw my birth certificate for the first time when I entered first grade. Since my parents were not married, the word 'illegitimate' was typed boldly in the designated space. I was already confused by the blank space where my father's name was indicated. Why was his name not where it was supposed to be?
A few days later, the first day of school arrived. To say I began the day terrified would be a huge understatement. It would soon become much worse.
My teacher's name was Mrs. Simpson. To me she was a scary, stern faced woman who would likely make me cry. As I watched her stop before each desk with paper and pen, I prayed she would pass me by. Needless to say, my prayers were not answered.
.
Thankfully she asked me questions that I could answer. Simple questions, such as my name and birthday. I quickly asked her which name did she want. She looked confused and asked if I was being 'smart'. Before I could gather the courage to answer her question, she asked me the name of my parents, I breathed a sigh of relief as I asked her which parents name did she want. She sharply asked just how many parents did I have. I answered that I had two mothers and two fathers. The look on her face made me believe she was about to hit me. Apparently, the look of terror on my face caused her to look closer. I will assume that she could see that the timid child sitting before her, was giving her a serious answer. I had to repeat the names several times right there in the classroom while all the children listened quietly. I said nothing when she dramatically stated that my biological mother had been one of her students, and she did not know anything about my birth!!.
Well,,,, just how was a six year old expected to respond to her loud declaration??
She said that she needed to speak to the principal. To my horror, she took me with her, where I had to repeat the names of my parents. I remember feeling as if I had done something terribly wrong. Even after all these years, I also remember the sense of shame that I felt as they gave me looks of pity? There were several "poor child" references made by Mrs. Simpson, the even scarier Mr. Butler, and his secretary with the enormous hips.
When Mama picked me up from school, she and I were ushered into the principals office where in order to save me later embarrassment, it was decided that I would use the last name of Mama and Daddy,,which was of course,,illegal. This act of compassion came back to haunt me when I decided to retire. I had to once again explain why I had so many names. I had to produce a physical paper trail to prove who I was.
When I was old enough to fully understand the meaning of the word 'illegitimate' I of course was taken back to that day. When I was twelve, one of my paternal uncle's new wife referred to me as the 'outside child'. Only the loving response of my father's sister could take away the sting of the words.
Exactly who has the right to define the worth of a child?
Does the marriage of a child's parents make that child more worthy of,,anything .. than the child of a single parent(s)?
Does the label of 'illegitimacy' mean the child is not a legitimate human being?
Growing up in the 50's with any type of label made life more challenging. This is especially true when an additional negative label is given to a Black female.
Even today, there are many people who feel their children who happened to be born within the confines of marriage ( no matter how much a farce the marriage might be) are somehow better than the children who are born to unwed parents.
I attribute this mindset to ignorance and self- righteousness.
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If a man and woman are sexually active outside of the marriage bed, it is not their moral option to judge the sexual choices of the unmarried couple. The only difference is that one woman got pregnant and had a child, while the other woman was either responsible enough of lucky enough not to get pregnant.
Society does not have the right to force a child to pay any price resulting from the choice of their parents....
The origin of a child should never determine their worth as a person...
Only God can determine the worth of His children.
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