When my best friend first approached me with the idea of on-line dating, I was appalled. My first response was "Oh no! I am not that desperate!" The fact that she is my best friend, finally made me listen to what she had to say.
The facts were pretty simple. I had been married for over 35 years to someone I met when I was 14 years old. I had now been divorced well over a year. Everyone in my world were aware that my knowledge of men could be placed inside a child's thimble.
So, why not??
I was also completely unaware of just how men saw me. By that time, although my confidence was growing, I was still feeling somewhat less than a desirable woman.
After a few months, I agreed to join a dating site without a picture. I was surprised by the response I received sight unseen. I was also surprised by how much I enjoyed reading the profiles of the men. I found them to be both interesting and entertaining.
After much not so gentle prodding, I allowed my friend to take pictures that could be added to the profile. I hate taking pictures. Those closest to me know that when I agree or choose to take pictures, something serious is going on inside my head.
I was bombarded with messages within ten minutes of posting the pictures. To say my confidence was given a boost would be an understatement.
On-line dating gave me the opportunity to take my time deciding who and when I wanted to meet someone. This was a perfect way for me to ease into the transition from married woman to unexpectedly single woman. Was I considered divorced or single? Were they one and the same?
On average, I would go out on a date every 4-5 months. Since I was up front about the fact that I did not believe in casual sex, I seldom dated anyone more than twice.
It is no surprise that men would balk at Steve Harvey's recommendation that women practice a 90 day rule for sex, when most men feel that after three dates, they should be,,justly rewarded??
I was fortunate enough to have serious dialogue with men willing to share their experiences in life; without ever meeting.
My profile included my interest in motorcycles. I was also interested in developing a story about a man who loved bikes, but lived a somewhat 'normal' professional life.
I actually met a well established computer programmer, who had been a biker since his Dad bought him his first Harley at 15. He was extremely handsome, surprisingly soft spoken, but he also a distinct edge that would have kept me from dating him. He had also been recently diagnosed with congestive heart failure. A few days before our interview, his daughter had been diagnosed with cancer.
Real people,,,real feelings,,real stories.
I also received a message from a man who stated that he would love to meet me, and perhaps he could buy me a motorcycle?/. Yes,,, well I smiled, and shared the message with a couple of friends and hit 'delete'.
Before someone raises an eyebrow and smugly thinks,,,"well of course, on-line weirdo's". I must say that the most bizarre encounters I have ever had has been with people I met off-line.
And yes,,, that includes church.
Just because a man can quote the Bible does not mean he lives accordingly.
Men are fully aware that church is a great place to meet women who just might be lonely enough to ignore normal red flags regarding their behavior.
Christian dating sites have the same issues as any other site.
Crazy people are everywhere.
At least on-line, you can at least talk to or email the person until you feel comfortable enough to meet the person face to face.
Even with the clear understanding that probably 50% of what men state in their profiles is pure fabrication, there can still be a lot to learn from both their choice of words and choice of pictures.
You will see pictures that range from the man standing in front of an unfinished 'mansion', or a man who is 'single' standing in front of a dresser with a pair of woman's slippers clearly in view, to a man sitting in front of a kitchen counter piled high with trash, dirty dishes and a large open can of Raid roach spray..
There are what I refer to as serial daters. Serial daters view dating sites much like 'meat markets'. There are enough available women on line to move on the next woman rather quickly if they don't 'get lucky' on the first or second date. They often have a steady woman in their lives who are patiently waiting on a shelf, while the man regularly dates on-line. Since he will have a user name, it would be unlikely his woman would thnk about checking, unless of course, she met him on-line.
I must be fair and point out that there are also female serial daters in the mix. They could be trolling for sex or perhaps a nice free meal(s).
While it is true that many men are looking for a quick sexual fix, there are also just as many men who are seeking a genuine relationship.
Men are just as afraid of rejection as women are, and will use the least painful path to finding a possible companion.
Older women entering the world of on-line dating should use the same common sense and caution she would use if she met a man in the grocery store.
You should talk on the phone often enough to establish an opinion of the person.
Ask enough questions to learn a little someting about his mindset.
Never meet anyone without letting a close friend know who you are with and where you are going.
Meet them in a well populated area. The same rule should be applied when choosing a parking space.
Allow your instinct and wisdom free and total access to the entire experience.
Recognize the fact that most of the men in your age group are interested in younger women; don't take it personally.
It is their right, their issue, and likely their loss.
You will most likely be pursued by younger men; sometimes much younger.
Examine your feelings before you are faced with the attention of an intelligent, mature, fine,, younger man. It will happen.
Are they simply on the prowl, looking for an attractive older woman? Maybe, maybe not.
Perhaps they are just looking for someone who has a different type of conversation.
Think about it.
On-line dating is not for everyone. It is no more an act of desperation than the hope that most single women have when they step out of their door,,,, that the 'right' man will find them attractive and interesting enough to approach them.
If you decide to try on-line dating, do not be ashamed of your decision.
It is your life,,your decision.
You would be surprised by just how many women and men date almost exclusively on-line.
They keep their business where it belongs.
If it is not for you, try not to judge those who choose to do so.
I have formed genuine friendships and learned valued life lessons from a select group of people I have met on-line.
Since I firmly believe that God allows everything to happen for a reason, I consider these people to be blessings in my life.
It has been almost 4 years since I met someone on-line.
Thankfully, I am blessed to be content where I am today.
However, I do not regret my on-line experience.
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