My childhood would not exactly be considered normal. I was raised by my maternal great aunt and uncle. Everyone in their circle would easily be classified as 'seniors'. To say I grew up in a sheltered environment would be a slight understatement. There were times when the safety and shelter were dangerously compromised, but,,,I survived.
I also had a biological mother and father, and a step father and step mother. Yes,,I know.
I was in the presence of sickness and death for most of my life. I was taught the importance of family members supporting and caring for each other. I knew that I was loved, and I also knew that I would one day be responsible for the care of my parents. It would not be a sacrifice, simply a chapter in my life story.
Growing up surrounded by your elders forces you to grow up quickly. Their generation did not believe in any 'foolishness', but they did believe in the need to teach a child how to survive in this world. I did not learn how to easily laugh, but I could take care of a household by the age of twelve.
Daddy died from unexpected complications from prostate surgery. I was not prepared for the death of the big, strong, yet gentle man who made me feel safe. He was the daddy who carried me into the house when I pretended to be asleep after a road trip. I well remember my childhood worries regarding the safety of my daddy. Growing up during the 50"s made my fears reality.
I barely made it to the hospital in time to tell him that I loved him; something I was afraid I had never done. He managed to slightly smile and whisper the words " I know you do baby. And I love you."
I once again told Momma that whenever she felt that living alone was too difficult, to please let me know. I understood how important her home and independence was to her, so I wanted her to be comfortable with the decision. Over the next several years, she would be sick enough for me to spend a couple of weeks with her, or I would bring her home with me until she got well enough to go back home.
My marriage did not end on a good note, but the person I was married to was a blessing regarding the changes in our lives when I finally brought Momma to live with us. Even as young as we were when we got married, we had discussed the inevitability of providing for my parents care, down to the house we purchased for our family.
To say that the next few years were challenging would be a huge understatement. I had a 9 year old daughter, 14 year old son, a very needy husband, and a 90 year old mother. Honestly, I was so busy during those years, it is almost a blur.
The greatest challenge was attempting to make my mother understand that she was now at home and not a guest. We made changes in the home to make everyone as comfortable as possible. I completely understood how painful it was to leave her home.
I included her in everything the family participated in. She would often attend my son's high school football games. It took her a while to accept that he was not going to get hurt. She spent way too much time telling my daughter scary stories,,,true stories?? that had frightened me to death as a child.
She kept me busy, made me look at Jim Baker, made me laugh, and quite often hurt my feelings. She also gave my children an opportunity to experience the day to day life of an elderly person who happened to be their Gran.
It is by no means easy to care for the person who cared for you. But that fact alone should make it easier.
Always safeguard their dignity. It is not easy to allow someone else to give you a bath.
Take time to revisit their past; it is important to them. Imagine how difficult it is to outlive most if not all of your close family and friends.
Never allow yourself to think of their care as a sacrificial act. They are old; they are not stupid.
Have candid discussions with your spouse regarding both of your parents before the need arises.
Teach your children that growing old is not something to be feared and shunned.
Welcome your elders into your world.
Give them the love and care they provided for you.
They deserve nothing less.
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