VANESSA CALUMET
~~~the wife~~~
When someone mentions 9/11, a shiver runs down my spine. Not only because of the attack on our country, but because during that week, my life began a downward spiral.
I would become my worst possible enemy.
If I am honest with myself, my path to pain began roughly two years earlier. My 55th birthday seemed to expose a side of myself that I had rarely witnessed before. I am well aware that I have a strong personality. I know that I can be pushy, and maybe even rude, but never with those that I love.
Overall, I have gotten much better over the years. I really have.
At least,,, I had gotten better...
Intense anger had never been a part of the mix.
Until this time in my life....
I have been blessed to have the best husband in the world. We are almost polar opposites.
Marcus is 6' 6'' inches of gorgeousness. He is Native American, with just enough Black spread throughout his genes to give him the look of a big fine Samoan. Marcus is kind and considerate of others, almost to a fault.
I am 5'4'' in heels. I am pretty and petite with curves. And,,,, I am selfish, almost to a fault.
Marcus and I met when we were in high school. I loved him from the first moment I saw him. We seriously thought about eloping, but I knew my father and Marcus's mother would have tracked us down and locked us up somewhere until we came to our senses.
We waited until Marcus got his first degree before we got married. I took my time graduating because, I was blessed to get a job as office manager for a growing team of physicians. My job grew along with the practice. I retired last year from the position of Director of Operations for six clinics.
I never had to work. Marcus has always been an excellent provider for me and our two children. He has always insisted that any money I made was for 'extras'.
I loved,,extras.
I was a spoiled wife. Anything I wanted, I received. I tried to be mature about 'stuff' but Marcus made it easy for me to demand so much.
Marcus has always known how much I love him. I have supported every dream he has ever had.
I would gladly die for him.
Six months ago, I began to feel totally dissatisfied with my life. I was restless, irritated, and short tempered...
Okay, even more than usual.
One day, out of the blue, even my eldest grandchild asked me if I was sick. Now, my baby is only 14 years old, and I should have listened closer to what she had to say; or at the very least, question why.
My mother was the first person to actually confront me about my behavior.
I had,,almost,, snapped at her about.. something.
I remember the day well....
Mama: " Vanessa, what is wrong with you?" "Something serious HAS to be wrong with you, to use that tone with me!"
Vanessa: ( sighing) " I'm sorry Mama." "Nothing is wrong with me; I am just tired!"
Mama: " Tired of what?" " You are retired from work." "Your housekeeper comes in three times a week". "Only you and Marcus are here" . :What on earth could you be tired of!?"
Vanessa: " My life Mama!? " "I am tired of my life!" "And, no disrespect Mama, but I don't need you to remind me of my many blessings!" " Please,,,I know!" " And,,,you will be surprised to know that, contrary to every one's belief, Marcus cannot walk on water, and he is not a saint!"
It was a few moments before my mother spoke. I was surprised by the gentleness in her voice...
Mama: "Okay, now listen to me Vanessa. You have reached a time in your life when you might wake up with feelings that make absolutely no sense at all" Baby,,,"
Vanessa: (laughing) " Stop Mama!" " Please do not give me the hormone story!" Me and my hormones are just fine, thank you very much!"
Mama: "Vanessa, you were high strung when you were two years old!" " I tried to prepare you for this possibility several years ago, but you refused to listen." Talk to your doctor baby!"
Needless to say, I did not listen to my mother, or my husband when he suggested that I make an appointment with my doctor, after one of my,,tantrums.
I have rarely allowed anyone to tell me what to feel, or how to act.
Marcus and I have been married over 30 years. He has worked for the FBI for 20 of those years.
He is far from a pushover, and he does have limits. I happen to know what those limits are, and when he gives me that certain look, I back off.
I had decided that I wanted to go on a two week international cruise. Marcus hates cruises, but I made the arrangements and planned on surprising him.
If I whined and cried long and hard enough, he always gave in.
We were scheduled to leave on September 18.
My husband came home on 9/12 and announced that he had to go to New York. He was taking a hand picked team, and would be gone for at least three weeks. Surprisingly, he and his team would come home on weekends; which is rarely possible. He suggested that I spend the last week with him in New York. He knows how much I love to shop,,,anywhere; but especially New York.
All in all, he was quite pleased with himself.
He desperately wanted to help in some way; that is simply who he is.
I know that he loves his job, and he is an expert in his field.
I know that he loves his job, and he is an expert in his field.
He also seemed to be excited about the 'away' time we would have together.
I was,,livid!!.
With much attitude, I told him about the cruise.....
.
Marcus: ( after several minutes of silence and looking closely at his wife) " Okay, let me see if I can get this straight."
"Vanessa, are you telling me that you have booked a two week cruise without mentioning it to me first?" "Or, hell, even as an after thought?"
Vanessa: " Marcus, it was a surprise!"
Marcus: (huge sigh) " Did you somehow forget that I am not a fan of surprises,,and I happen to hate cruises?" " Or as is the norm, you basically don't care!" "My vote goes for number two!"
Vanessa: " Well, I don't recall you informing me about your trip to New York!"
Marcus: "Inform you?" "Vanessa, this is my job..."
Vanessa: " Oh please Marcus! You know that you want to go! Always Mr. Wonderful, and I am always the crazy, thankless cow!"
Marcus: (softly) " Cow is not the word that comes to my mind."
Vanessa: "Frankly, I really don't care!"
I will never forget that night as long as I live.
Marcus left the house.
Marcus left the house.
My pathway to pain had officially begun....both receiving and giving,
*Next Post: MARCUS CALUMET~~~the husband~~~
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