My relationship with shoes has been, well, interesting. I have always loved shoes. However, I did not actively pursue my passion until just before I turned 50. Much to my surprise, I discovered that I love high heels. I enjoyed the fact that I could actually feel the sway of my hips. You see, I did not know until the age of 50 that I even had a sway to my hips.
To say that I was a late bloomer would be an understatement...
Between the age of 48-50, my life was filled with many life changing events. Some were painful, some were challenging, but most were pretty awesome. Such is life.
At 48, I was diagnosed with Lupus. There have been many ups and downs, but God has been more than good to me, so no complaints. I never forget just how blessed I am.
Two months ago, I celebrated my 67th birthday. I also had to accept that there were changes in my body that although somewhat expected, would force me to make some unexpected adjustments in my normal experiences.
My Lupus symptoms have always been fatigue and joint pain. Over the years, I have made peace with my wolf ( my Lupus), who thinks she is protecting me from harm. As we both get older, she seems to be even more aggressive in her protection of...me.
She seems to feel the need to stay very close to my left ankle. I am not angry or discouraged, I just take the pain medication and keep it moving; sometimes moving a lot slower, but moving none the less.
With great sadness, I have accepted the fact that high heel shoes are likely a part of my past. Since I started late, I do feel somewhat cheated. Considering the length of time I have had Lupus, I am fully aware that even with the intense ankle pain, and the possible loss of the sway of my hips, I am still thankful to God for my life, as it is.
Getting older has never been a problem for me, but I will admit that for the very first time, I can feel the changing of the guard, so to speak. I am strong enough to handle these rapid new changes, and I am also okay with how I feel about them. I have been blessed with a laid back personality. I accept my reality, and make the necessary adjustments needed to live the best life possible. I have absolutely no desire to be young again, but that does not mean that growing 'ole' is an easy part of life's journey.
Dreams are often deferred, loved ones pass on, regrets sometimes visit our spirits, and too often, illness sets up permanent residence in our lives or our loved ones. None of which are easy. Thankfully, we are wise enough to know that our wins exceed or losses, and our blessings far, far, exceed any disappointments and sadness.
So now what?
Well, my style is a combination of classic and bohemian. I am not a huge fan of traditional flats, so the ones that I have will have to be a good start on my wardrobe updates.
At the age of 50, I also made the decision to wear whatever my heart desires. Again, no explanations, and no apologies.
For my 65th birthday, I bought two pair of moccasins/with fringe. I loved them in the 70's and I love them now. My kids give me the side eye ( and probably a few other people as well), but of course, I don't care in the least.
This year, I have decided to revisit Chuck Taylor sneakers. They have great colors; a huge improvement over the black ones I had in high school. I love the way they make me feel. I wonder if the high top style would help my ankle?? (Smiling...)
Hopefully, I can manage low heel wedges. We shall see.
I am a survivor, because God is the source of my strength. If I one day need to walk with a cane, which is not unusual for Lupus patients, I will find an assortment of really cool canes, stand as tall as possible, embrace my blessings, and keep it moving...
...with grace and dignity.
God is with us through every season of our lives.
He is our strength and our refuge.
Whether our gait is strong and sure, or has become a cautious shuffle; both literally and figuratively,
God, our heavenly Father, will never leave us.
His love is indeed forever.
~SK~
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