VANESSA CALUMET
~~the wife~~
9:30 p.m.
The evening has been surreal. From the moment Marcus walked through the door, I have felt as if I am in the midst of an out of body experience. He looked painfully handsome, and I just wanted to run to him and feel his arms pull me close. I was instantly reminded how safe and secure I have always felt while in his arms.
As I looked into his eyes, I can also see the presence of sadness. This stark reality takes my breath away.
All three of the' little' babies ran to meet their Pop-Pop. The grown-up babies are close behind their children. Mama Tia and I waited until the noise level slightly return to normal.
Marcus walked over to his mother and hugged her before he reached for me
.
God, his arms felt so good!
As his arms tightened, so did my heart. I had to pull away, before I fell apart; literally.
In my heart, I knew that I might never feel his arms around me in quite the same way.
MARCUS CALUMET
~~the husband~~
9:30 p.m.
Dakota and the twins drove my mother home. By the time they returned, Kelly, Bethanny, and Gia were ready to leave. I walked outside and watched my children drive away.
I take a deep breath before I go back inside to face the huge elephant that has been patiently waiting in the middle of the room.
I stand in the doorway of the kitchen and watch my wife wipe a counter that is already clean..
Marcus: " Need any help?"
Vanessa: ( slightly startled, and without turning around) " No! No, thank you. I'm almost done."
Marcus: ( silently watches as her body visibly tightens with tension) "Okay. I'm going to take my shower."
Vanessa: "Okay, I'll be up soon."
I turn and slowly walk up the stairs.
When I enter our suite, I am surprised that it doesn't feel, somehow different. It should feel different because nothing is the same.
Nothing.
My wife is unable to look into my eyes. She is nervous; almost afraid. And yes, her entire body seems to be filled with deep sadness. Very much, I would say, like my own.
I take a long, hot soothing shower. I am drying off when I notice the prescription pill bottle sitting on the counter.
I pick up the almost empty bottle and note the date. The type of medication does not ring a bell, but an unexpected cold chill runs up and down my back.
I asked God to please help me to handle both myself and this situation according to His will.
Please Lord..
I put on the robe that is rarely used, but is always hanging behind the door and walked over to the desk in the sitting area.
My mind went into protect mode after the words 'most commonly used for the treatment of chlamydia' leaped into my vision.
Oh, I finished reading most of the information.
I even forced myself to look at the disturbing pictures.
I was now,,, numb.
I don't remember shutting down the computer, or getting dressed. But, that is exactly what I did.
The suite is large enough to have a tiny kitchenette as well as a comfortable sitting area equipped with a large television and sound system.
I made a cup of instant coffee, sat at the small table and waited for my wife to come upstairs.
I looked at the bedside clock and realized almost 90 minutes had passed.
Seemed more like a lifetime..
VANESSA CALUMET
~~the wife~~
11:30 p.m.
I had made myself a cup of strong black coffee. I sat down and tried to calm my nerves. I have no choice bet to tell Marcus tonight.
He will expect to make love, and that is simply not possible.
I would rather die than expose him to this, this disease.
I can feel the tears start to fall when something stops them.
For the first time, I feel the compelling need to pray. I put the coffee on the kitchen table and get down on my knees right there on the cold kitchen floor.
When I finally pulled myself up from the floor and looked at the clock, it was 11:30.
I rinsed out my cup, turned out the lights, checked the alarm and headed for the stairs.
When I entered the room, I was surprised not to see Marcus already in bed. When I walked into the kitchen area and saw him sitting at the table, fully dressed and holding the pill bottle, I took a deep breath and slowly sat down in the other chair.
When Marcus is angry, he has the ability to put up a visible hood, or barrier over his eyes. In all of our years together, I have only seen this happen twice, and neither were connected to me; until now. He shut me out, so I could not see his pain, but when love is deep enough, you can feel the pain of the person you love.
His pain surrounded him like a shroud.
As hard as it was, I force myself to look into his eyes. He deserves nothing less.
Marcus: " Apparently, we need to talk."
Vanessa: (sighing deeply) " I need to talk. You haven't done anything wrong. Marcus, you are the best husband that,,
Marcus: (holding up one hand) "Vanessa! Stop! Obviously, this conversation is going to be difficult for both of us. There will be cause and time for a wide range of gut wrenching emotions.
But, please, spare me the bullshit!"
Vanessa: "I contracted chlamydia on the cruise."
For Marcus, actually hearing her say the words, cut deep into the core of his heart.
Marcus: " I have one question before you go any further. Did you take this person with you on your cruise?"
Vanessa: (surprised) " No! Why on earth would you ever think that?"
Marcus:( quietly) "Why would I not? You plan a cruise that you purposely did not tell me about. A cruise that you knew I would not want to go on, even if my work schedule permitted. You did not want me to accompany you on your cruise. Please do not add more insult to the situation by denying the basic facts."
Vanessa: "Marcus, I did not plan to lie. Now, I have to admit to myself that I did want to go alone. I did not go on the cruise expecting to do anything except spend some time by myself. I don't know why Marcus! (tears are streaming down her face) The last year has been hell for me. Not because of anything you have done. I have felt as if I have been watching my life from a distance. I have felt completely disconnected from myself and everyone else.!"
He silently watches as her body trembles from her crying.
Vanessa: sighing) " I spent the entire first week of the cruise sleeping. I didn't even dress for dinner. I had convinced myself that you had abandoned me and,,,
Marcus: "Abandoned!? I was alone in a tiny motel room, eating take-out, sleeping less than six hours at night. My days were spent dealing with death and fear!" "How in,,
Vanessa: " My rational mind understands that Marcus! I was delusional, okay? I know now that I was being crazy! Marcus, you know I have always supported you in your work! I don't know what was wrong with me! "I'm sorry, but I just don't know!"
Again, he silently waits while she calms down.
Vanessa:" By the second week, I was rested enough to leave the cabin. I had missed most of the shore time, but I didn't really mind. The last couple of nights were highlighted with special performances in the club."
"One night, this man bought me a drink. I thought it would be okay to sit and talk. Apparently, one drink turned into enough to get me drunk. I don't remember much after that except him walking me back to the cabin."( She would never be able to tell him the details of how much she remembered.)
Marcus: ( softly) "Much." "You don't remember much."
Vanessa: " I woke up with a blinding headache and,,,"
Marcus: ( looking at her closely) " And, 'what' Vanessa?"
Vanessa: ( crying softly) " When I managed to get into the bath tub, I felt a burning sensation. That is when the reality of what I had done hit me. When I looked, I saw tiny bite marks around my groin area."
The room is silent for a full minute.
Marcus: (deadly softness) " So, he branded you."
Vanessa: " That is the term my doctor used. The symptoms from the chlamydia began a few days after I returned from the trip. I have two more days before the treatment is complete".
Vanessa: (looking directly into his veiled eyes) " Marcus, I would rather die than hurt you. There is absolutely no excuse for what I did. I know that if the tables were turned, I would want to kill you for hurting me this way. I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am. But please, even if you now hate me, please Marcus, please believe that I am deeply sorry. I would give anything to have the chance to go back in time."
Marcus: " Well, now see Vanessa, killing you would perhaps be easier at this point in time, but that is not be an option for me. I don't hate you for the same reason. You see, I love you. The choice that you made, for whatever reason, does not negate my love.
My love is stronger than your choice".
"It is your love Vanessa, that is in question. You knew that something heavy was going on within your spirit. You ignored any suggestions that anything was wrong and that you might need help. You neither loved yourself, or those of us who love you to find a solution to what was becoming a real problem in your overall behavior".
"Before I came home, I asked God to help me handle whatever is fragmenting our lives; our love.
He is answering my prayer. Something has died inside of me Vanessa, but it is not my love.
Honestly, I feel like breaking everything in this house, except you.
You have managed to do a pretty good job of that yourself.
Right now, I don't have the strength nor the desire to help you deal with that".
Marcus gets up and walks into the sleeping area and picks up his keys.
Marcus: " I am going to the ranch. I will check on you tomorrow."
He looks at her intently for a moment before he leaves the room.
Tears have been steadily flowing from Vanessa's eyes. She doesn't begin to sob loudly until she hears the muted sound of the alarm being reset.
She suddenly realizes that she did not tell him how much she loves him.
Lord, please help me!
Before he drives away, Marcus picks up the phone and dials a number.
Lena: " Well, hi stranger! I hope you are not calling to tell me you did not like my food!"
Marcus: (quietly) " Of course not, you know your food is always delicious. I need you to do me big favor. Vanessa needs you. I would appreciate it if you could come out here and stay with her tonight."
Lena is silent; but quickly recovers and speaks..
Lena: " Okay. I'm on my way. Marcus, are you okay?"
Marcus: " I've been better. Thank you Lena."
12:45 a.m.
As he hangs up the phone, he looks at the clock.
One hour, sixty minutes, and his life has changed forever.
By the time he reaches the expressway, his tears have started to flow.
Chapter 11.....The Aftermath
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