Most children are sexually abused by someone who is a part of their inner circle. A circle that includes family and close family 'friends'. A circle of people whose purpose is, at the very least,,,to protect the well being of the child. Sadly, the probability of someone from this group sexually abusing that child is extremely high. The possibility of the pedophile being an actual family member makes that possibility even more frightening.
Family gatherings provide the pedophile with an opportunity to freely observe the children. He will likely focus on the child who spends most of their time alone. Perhaps they will be quitely reading a book, or simply watching the other children play. The pedophile will also be interested in a child who wants to be center of attention. This child will not be asked to participate with group play, but might use her 'imagination' to secure acceptance. She will probably have a solid history of not always telling the truth. Two completely different forms of behavior, but obvious examples of children who lack confidence a sense of worth.
The pedophile is a dangerous stalker.
The children are no longer 'family' ,,,they have become potential prey.
Depending on the source, pedophiles are people who suffer from a mental condition, or dangerous criminals who are sexually attracted to children. Should it really matter??
Research has also shown that fifty percent (50%) of pedophiles who abuse others, also abuse their own children.
Over thirty years ago, I was sitting with a group of women who happened to find themselves at the same function. We knew very little about each other, but our conversation flowed comfortably. I have no idea how the subject came up, but I suspect we were discussing a recent news story. To my surprise, we were soon discussing the fact each one of the nine women present had been a victim of sexual abuse in some form as a child. Each abuser had been a close family member or close family friend. The woman were from different backgrounds and different parts of the country. We were able to share our feelings without going into the degrading details. We did take the time to discuss the abusers. They consisted of brothers, uncles, cousins, neighbors, church members (leaders), and neighbors. There were no strangers on the list. I have never seen these women again, but we all left with a feeling of kinship and deep understanding.
Some people feel that by the time a child reaches adulthood, she could/should have 'gotten over' the effects of the abuse. With God's help, you can certainly have a full, healthy productive life, but think of how better her life might have been without those memories..
A child,,any child,,,is a special gift that should be protected at all times. A child's family should be an extension of the love and security of the child's parents. A child's trust, confidence and sense of worth should come from these people who make up her personal world.
When someone a child trusts abuses them in any form, it instantly and painfully removes their feelings of security.
Even children under the age of ten, will know when someone is asking or forcing them to participate?? in something that is ,,,wrong. They don't understand why, but they KNOW it is wrong.
Even if the child is not initially touched,,,,their childhood innocence has been stolen forever.
For older children, not being able to stop the abuse allows the pedophile to plant a seed of guilt, and shame that he will strongly encourage; even after the initial abuse.
The child may seriously question their actual existence well into adulthood.
The pedophile will use this fear as a form of control.
They may threaten the safety of the child and her/his family
.
The pedophile will convince the child that if she tells anyone, her parents will come and hurt him, and they will go to jail. Simple, but it usually works. The child will try to protect her/his family.
The pedophile will also try to convince the child that no one will ever believe her story.
What if the child does tell her parent?
How the parents respond will greatly affect the mindset of the child; now and in the future.
Most parents will comfort their child and attempt to say the right words(??) to help their child.
Consulting an expert is always best.
One of the mistakes that many parents make regarding pedophiles who are family members, is the fact that they make the decision to keep the abuse a secret.
If we are honest, most family members are well aware of 'the dirty old men' within their family. You know the ones I mean,,,,Uncle Buddy who always squeezes (everywhere) just a little too hard, or Uncle Joe who always manages to place his wet lips on a females lips instead of the offered cheek. And of course, there is Brother Maurice from church, who always prays over the food at the family reunion,,,,,and he loves for all the little kids (boys &girls) to snuggle on his lap. His daughter doesn't bring her kids around him often, but he simply loves all of the children.
Now these men are often joked about by some, while many others choose to remain quiet when their names are mentioned.
You see, the secret is really not a secret at all. There are enough women in the family who have had the same experience, so everyone knows.
The family pedophile (s) finds protection and their prey,,,within their family.
Why??
Is saving the family from shame worth generation after generation of children having to be in the presence of their abuser?
Is it worth these children being taught (shown?) that abuse is accepted behavior in her family, and her abuser will not be punished.?
Is it worth her believing that she must have deserved for him to abuse her? After all, her dress was almost too short,,,,,,right???
Build a relationship with your children that encourages them to feel comfortable talking to you about ANYONE and ANY TOPIC,,,AT ANY TIME.
Children deserve to be safe amongst the people they love and trust.
Parents must do everything possible to make that happen..
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