I did not enter the world of dating until very late in life. When I had my 'first' official date as an adult, I was 50 years old. Seriously.
The last 10 years have been an interesting chapter in my life
.
I soon learned that I was completely naive when it came to knowing anything about men. I am forced to laugh at myself when I think back on how wrong I was. I talk to God about each and every part of my life. I was smart enough to know that I was about to enter a world that I knew very little about. So, I did not hesitate to seek God's guidance.
My brothers and even my son tried to prepare me for what to expect, but honestly, I felt they were biased and over protective. Perhaps,,, but they were also right on point.
Best words of advice from my son: " Mama, always remember that if a man is cut for you, he will not hesitate to let you know."
Best advice from my younger brother: "Sam, always remember that a man always has one main objective. Sex. A smart man will listen to you and adjust his game accordingly."
I was such an 'infant' in the process, there is no doubt that God protected me from myself as much as He did from any unsavory men.
Matters of the heart should always be handled with compassion. I have always tried to carry myself in such a way that would never cause pain for another person. It was difficult for me to pull away from someone and risk hurting their feelings. Although I have had my feelings seriously tested, God has protected me from another broken heart.
Although the love of my life has yet to find me, I have formed friendships that I consider to be blessings. They did not cross my path to become my soul mate(s),,, but they were instrumental in helping me to grow.
I will share a few of my... lessons learned.
Men are usually quite simple in their thinking.
Men are loyal to each other, sometimes to a fault. This usually means that we, as women, tend to give them far too much power and credit for creativity in their game.
Again, we think with our hearts; they think with their head(s).
Men are programmed for the 'chase'. Whether this is based on genetics or societal expectations is of course, open for interesting dialogue.
Men have very accurate radar when it comes to a woman who is desperately in need of attention. The
question then becomes:
" Will the man take advantage of this opportunity?"
Or,,,,
" Will the man pull back from someone who is obviously vulnerable?"
Mentally healthy men are not usually interested in women who appear to be weak or submissive( sex only).
Men tend to bore easily.
Mature men really do try to stay away from women who are 'clingy and possessive'.
Well, can you blame them??
Men are often attracted to women who are 'spirited' and slightly aggressive?? Unfortunately, these two traits are likely to come back and bite them in the butt.
Men seem to have a problem accurately gauging a healthy level of,,,spirit.
Is she 'feisty'? Yes.
Is she 'Fine'? Yes.
Is she 'mentally stable'??? No.
Men quite often seem to be confused when faced with a genuinely 'nice' woman who honestly has no game of her own. They usually pass them by.
Older women have always shared this bit of insight. I still find this to be very sad.
But ,,,none the less,very true.
Men are just as afraid of rejection as women are.
When it comes to priority and option, if we stick to the premise that men are far from complicated, the actions of your man will easily provide the answer for you.
Men will seek a woman who is challenging enough to be worthy of the chase he is willing to engage in to win the prize.
Ultimately, that would be You.
When a man is genuinely attracted to 'the whole woman', not just her physical attributes, he will be willing to do the necessary prep work needed to make her want to be his priority.
After the chase, it is still necessary to stay challenging enough to hold onto your 'priority' position in his head and heart.
Do not allow boredom to be a part of your marriage.
Find a way to stay interesting enough that his friends are never sure if he will choose to spend an evening with them or an evening with you.
This is as much for you as it is for him. A woman who has the confidence to pursue her interests and passions will likely understand the need for her husband to pursue his own.
Strive to build an intellectual and creative connection that will help keep your hearts yearning for more ,,of each other.
Spending time together will be meaningful to both of you.
You should both understand that spending time with family and friends is not a threat, but signs of a healthy spouse who is capable of maintaining healthy relationships
.
Being a priority in the life of your spouse is a blessing. Be thankful.
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