Can Your Relationship or Marriage Pass the Test of 'In Sickness and In Health' ?...My Perspective

When a couple takes traditional wedding vows, there is probably more thought given to the " for richer or poorer" phrase than " in sickness and in health".  Personal vows often omit any words that are not positive and romantic.
If a marriage lasts long enough, they are likely to be faced with challenges regarding both finances and health. 
How many couples take the time to actually discuss the many possibilities that could threaten their marriage. The word threaten sounds harsh doesn't it? Realistically, money and the illness of a spouse can dismantle the core of a marriage.
I will attempt to provide you with insight from the perspective of the person who is ill, and the messages often given by the spouse.

Living With a Chronic Illness
The word chronic simply means that your condition is now a part of your life. This fact alone is something that will take time to accept. You will never know what look crossed your face when your doctor said the word "positive"; but you will never forget the feeling that almost takes your breath away.
Fifteen years ago, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. I had a working knowledge about the condition, and I was not exactly crushed by the news. So much drama was going on in my life, my illness had to take a number. What I did not immediately realize is that the ongoing drama would  worsen my condition.
After speaking with many women over the years, I have found that the emotional stages I went through were normal, no matter what the name of your condition happens to be. I chose to accept my lupus, as just that,,,my lupus. My body, in an attempt to help me, was causing me extreme fatigue and joint pain. I also fully understood how much worse my life could be.
Therefore, I never forget to thank God for my health,,,as it is.

Anytime you lose something of value, there is a period of grief. Yes, I grieved for the health that I thought I had. Except for asthma as a child, and the resulting allergies as an adult, I had always been very healthy. While attempting to find the correct diagnosis( for the lupus), I also had my gallbladder removed. My body was going through a storm of stress.

There is also a period of strong guilt. I chastised myself for not eating healthier or perhaps exercising more. I was married to someone who seriously believed that if a person would only run five miles a day, they would be a healthy person. Yes, I briefly asked myself if maybe I should have listened.
When you have a condition that is not the norm, and is not always visible, there will always be people who will doubt whether you are actually ill. Having to explain over and over to incompetent HR staff and ignorant family and friends can be extremely frustrating.

* It is highly offensive to compare the experiences of one ill person with that of another
 Both the professional and the family member should educate themselves well enough to address the issue intelligently,,,or say nothing at all.

The fear of becoming a burden is always patiently waiting in the back of your mind. The need to spare your loved ones the possible responsibility of your care is a stark reality.
A reality for which you have no control.

Although thankfully not my experience, some people will become bitter and angry as a result of their illness, This is very sad for both the person who is ill, and their family.
Pray for acceptance and understanding.
.
I ended up reaching out to God during this time in my life. He literally saved my life. I have learned to live one day at a time, filled with gratitude and a sense of purpose.
 My condition is simply a part of my life story.

Living With A Spouse Who Is Ill

Sadly, it is more likely for a woman to stay with and care for her husband who is ill than it is for a man to stay and care for his wife. My doctor first mentioned this fact during a discussion about the elusiveness of lupus. The fact that you can feel horrible in the morning and fine by the afternoon can be difficult for a doubting man to understand. I have since learned that men often run away from illness in general. It has been said that men lack basic nurturing skills.
I do not accept this as an excuse; there simply is no excuse.

I must take the time to say that there are many men who would never imagine leaving their wife during or after a time of illness. They are blessings to their families.
I also know women who have gone back to a marriage after long separations and divorce to care for an ex-husband. These women are priceless.

Learn as much about your loved one's condition as you can.
 Have candid conversations with the doctor.
Be sincere; your spouse will know if you are not. They do not need or want your sympathy; they need you to be compassionate and genuine.
Use your connection as the spouse to read the signals that are always visible to some degree.
 If her/his best friend can see when she/he is not feeling well; so should you.
Listen to your spouse.
Be patient.
Stay deep in prayer because God will always be the source of your strength.

Your wedding vows are an oath that you CHOSE to take.
Think about it,,,,would you want your spouse to leave you when you needed them the most??