I got married less than a month after my 17th birthday. My then husband was 18. I was not pregnant; but I believed that I was truly blessed to be starting a new life with my soul mate.
Teen unions were not as unusual as one might think.
Our maturity was often praised by the older people around us. No doubt, my complete adoration for my spouse was also an interesting topic of discussion.
My mother-in-law and I were not close. She was nice to me, but she had a lot going on in her life.
She never had a childhood, because her mother died before she reached puberty. She had to help her very aggressive father raise her younger siblings.
It is my opinion that she was misunderstood and under appreciated during much of her lifetime. I also firmly believe that she gave her best to those she loved.
Within the first couple of years of my marriage, she lost her job due to a fire, her last child moved away, and she was solidly in the middle phase of menopause. She was sad and deeply depressed.
She died in her sleep, at the age of 47.
Within the first few months of my marriage, she had given me this one and only piece of advice: "Sam, a woman should never tell a man everything."
Of course, I was appalled!
I was married to the love of my life, my best friend, this perfect man, who actually wanted ,,me!
Well, of course I would tell him everything!!
My mother and my godmother ended up giving the same advice.
I am ashamed to admit that it took me quite a few years to finally realize that all three of these women were correct.
They were not trying to undermine the sanctity of marriage, or plant seeds of deceit.
They were trying to protect me from the possibility of being hurt later.
I shared my deepest fears, and inner most feelings with my spouse.
Every story, every experience, every fear was later thrown back in my face; when it became convenient for him.
It would be easier for me to trust a man regarding infidelity, than to trust him with my deepest feelings.
Is that my answer?
Each person, each relationship is different, and should be treated accordingly.
You must decide if you can trust your spouse enough to tell them,,everything.
Do spouses NEED to tell each other everything?
I will forever believe that the trust level between spouses should surpass all others on this earth.
For me, this means that spouses should be able to share everything with each other, without even the slightest fear that their words will be used as a weapon against them.
Being able to share those inner most feelings, should add a deeper understanding of the person you chose as your life partner.
Is this possible?
I say this with the strong belief that men,,do not share 'everything' with their spouses.
Women seem to accept this fact(?) without any question.
Couples should have a clear understanding regarding just what the definition of 'everything' happens to be.
Should a spouse tell their spouse the secrets of their friends?
Should they share all of the their family secrets with their spouse?
Do you tell your spouse about every purchase, such as a new book, new underwear, or perhaps a new pair of shoes?
If a man gives you a compliment at the mall, should you tell your husband?
If a woman gives your husband a compliment, will he tell you?
Food for thought.
Keep the line of communication open and active.
Keep your expectations realistic.
Keep God first in EVERY aspect of your life.
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