MARCUS CALUMET
~~the husband~~
November 20
Roughly six weeks have passed since I returned from New York. Without a doubt, the longest six weeks of my life.
When Vanessa was pregnant with our first child, I was filled with an equal amount of excitement and almost debilitating fear. I thought that period of helplessness had to be one of the most challenging times any responsible man could possibly have. Watching my wife's tiny body stretch and change to accommodate our child was both fascinating and frustrating. My job was to protect her from pain and harm. I could not take on the pain of bringing our child into the world, and I felt as if I had failed her.
Now,once again, I could not protect her from pain and harm.
Yes, she has to own the choices that she made. Her choices resulted in serious, life changing consequences.
However, from the moment she mentioned the 'branding' of her body, my professional instinct kicked in. I had to put those feelings on hold; for now.
I will find out everything there is to know about the person who left his signature on the body of my wife.
The night that I left the house, my head was filled with confusion. I thought about getting drunk, but I knew it would be impossible to get drunk enough to take away the pain.
I sat on the wide steps leading up to the big wrap around porch and, I cried.
I have no idea how long I stayed in one position. Time was of no importance...
Finally, I was able to focus on the beautiful moonlit night that surrounded me. I could even see a few fireflies circling the steps.
I took a long, deep breath. Only then did I realize that this was the first genuinely 'free' breath I had taken in over a month. My chest had almost been constricted the entire time.
I got up and slowly moved to the porch. I removed the heavy cover from one of the over sized loungers, remembered to shake it, and sat down.
I entered into a deep 'conversation' with God that lasted until I could see the rising sun.
I went into the house, took another shower, and fell into the bed. I slept until 6 p.m. that evening. I woke up starving. I prepared a nice dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and called my wife to tell her I would be home the following day.
When I returned home the next morning, we talked until early evening. Loud noises from both of our stomachs forced us to finally stop long enough to eat a decent meal.
We slept in our bed together, but I could not bring myself to touch her. I did not intend to cause her any more pain, but my pain was still very raw. I had to actively ask God to help me heal enough to hold my wife. I understood how much I needed to feel the beat of her heart against my chest.
We have always been able to communicate well, but we agreed that counseling did add another dimension to our dialogue.
Even our prayer time together became more meaningful and important to each of us. I had forgiven my wife before I left New York; even before I knew what had happened.
When love is deep enough, there are some things that touch your core
.
After three weeks, we were able to come together as one.
We reached for each other; we were home.
The experience was beyond make-up sex, or mere lovemaking.
The merging of our bodies seemed to heal the wounds of our spirits.
The small scars on her body were still visible, but God took away the full impact of their presence.
For that alone, I would be eternally thankful.
But, He blessed us far beyond our prayers
Our marriage was indeed fragmented; but repairing those jagged edges, only made our love stronger.
VANESSA CALUMET
~~the wife~~
My husband forgave me.
I would like to think that I could have forgiven him for the same mistakes. I have learned many truths about myself.
One day soon, perhaps I will be able to completely forgive myself.
We did not share these events with our family or friends. They know something happened, but they love and respect us enough not to ask any invasive questions.
That basically means that I am going straight to God for that special guidance that only He can provide.
We begin this new season with an even deeper understanding of who we are as individuals, and who we are to each other.
We will embrace the fact that being our best for God, will guarantee we will always be best for each other.
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